oh boring.
first day of new year and we left at about 6pm.
just played some cards, no traditional mahjong.
ah man first day, supposed to be the most exciting, started off feebly.
sigh.

medical checkup is on 9th march.
somehow i feel that my polytechnic education is really a waste of time and money.
because i didnt have the interest to do whatever.
maybe i dont have the interest now. hopefully in the future, yes.
the thing is, i feel that i am neither here nor there.
my polytechnic results isnt that fantastic.
but at least, i can qualify for several business degree courses, with exemptions to boot.

infact, i feel intimidated by those who tend to be more inclined academically..
its still the paper chase.

its in me.. inculcated in me.. i think.
since primary school, my form teacher told us along the line that we will be in the university at how old blah blah blah and that we will all go to the university.
at that time, i had my doubts.
i am already doubting myself in primary school, whether i can really make it to a local university, because i know that competition is very keen.
especially after those in the EM1 stream being so intelligent and their ability to just do last minute work and still do well.. like 90+.. yeah that kind.. which i found to be very .. inhuman like.

and i remembered my primary 4 friends, some of them went to EM1, some whose parents opted for them to go to the EM1 stream..
and of course.. they were allowed to go, provided that they meet certain requirements..
and yeah..
i remember that those in the EM1 stream had their noses up in the air..
like they were superior so they were in that stream..
as if we were inferior beings..
as if we were lesser than them in all aspects..
this is so reflected in the movie by jack neo, i not stupid.
i would like to say its an excellent movie, the vibes and feelings of those in the lesser stream were really portrayed to a point of realism.
it shows the prejudices and biasness against em3 students..
i was from em2 btw...
but i know.. how it feels like to be biased against.
to want to fight against the torrents and torrents of criticism, of cynicism, sarcasm.

lol. of course i understand based on a different context. not academically because i personally have not encountered direct remarks that 'i am stupid, you are worthless', that kinda thing.
only in direct ones.. like those i've encountered through interaction with other schools..
other 'better secondary schools, and in better subject combinations, and with better PSLE scores..'.
with all the good, naturally comes with the bad..
for one they are extremely stuck up..
like they gt something stuck up their asses..
or smth in their noises that only the UV rays from the sun can relieve them; so they point it towards the direction of the sun..

its just so lame.=.=

i think this is an extremely random post.
im sorry if you had to read this crap by me.
im just feelin tired and feelin in need of typing something to partially
relieve a .. boulder in me.

one so huge i don't think i can ever come clean about.