today was my tax ca2.
yes, i screwed it, BIG time.

very tricky questions,
very indepth knowledge needed to score for this paper.
unfortunately, i didnt have e knowledge =((.
argh enough of the test.

i went to school this morning, feeling so lethargic and feeling so down.
i don't know why.

suddenly, i feel as though my life in poly is so dull.
i wake up in the morning, head for school, studying, rush back home, tv, computer, sleep.

that pretty much is my normal day in school.
compared to my friends, i aint no hobbies, aint no CCA, aint found anything that interest me.

school now feels like a drag. yes, i felt that during secondary school.
but the accompaniment of friends helped me pull through 4 years of my teenage life.
school then was mainly full of laughter (yes, there were times when i felt like shit, but it passed very quickly), idle chat which i so enjoyed.
oh yes, the dirty jokes that we used to make too! *hi 5 zhen dong*

socalising in class was a breeze to me.
i could walk from 1 end to the other, making small talk with all others, or simple talk my way through free time with my friends sitting around me in class.
we were never out of topics.
despite some of us not sharing the same hobbies/interest, we bonded in class like glue.

hah, and i used to think that my class had totally no class spirit.
now seeing my poly class, i have to eat my own words.
not that my class is so darn pathetic, its just that there are mainly 3 camps.
the girls camp, the boys camp, and saleem camp.
oh and yes, they barely speak to others outside their camp.
as for me, well, im stuck in the middle~

upon looking back, i find myself utterly silly for dreading east spring secondary school.
i wished that O lvls would come fast, so that i could get out of ESSS ASAP.
what a swine i was.

i could have savoured each day with fresh enthusiast.
with more zest, sung the school song with more pride, more spirit.
took the pledge with more confidence, believing in the principles of our pledge; what our forefathers wanted Singapore to be.

heh, getting more patriotic after graduating.
baka, fool.
absence makes the heart grow fonder.
this is just so true.
i wonder where this phrase comes from.
from the heavens perhaps, that have seen all the wonders of the universe and on earth.

in short, sec life good, poly sucks.

OH GOD WHY AM I ALWAYS COMPARING NOW AND SECONDARY SCHOOL!!!

maybe cuz i dun like my course and have no cca.
or isit cuz SP is too frigging far and not condusive enough.

the answer is: I DON'T KNOW AND I FEEL LIKE SHIT NOW.

just like today, i 'stoned' and chose to get petrified for all e lessons.
teachers are taking note of me, asking me to buck up and practice the tutorials.

how to buck up, how to practise when i feel so forced?

no word can describe that feel of dread.
especially with the deadline of projects drawing so frigging near and 1/2 the time our group doesnt know how to do it (ESPECIALLY INFORMATION SYSTEMS!!!!!!!!!), it only adds to the fustration, only adds to the negative feelings.

EVERYBODY SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if screaming really works, ill go to the pasir ris beach and scream out all my fustration, all my unhappiness until my heart feels decompressed again.

Theres gona be more to life~ than chasing down every temporary high, to satisfy me!
boo. no temporary high tempts me enough.
no temporary high satisfies me enough.
guess ill have to find the bright spots in my dreams.
even then, i may not be happy.